Dear Mr. Belvedere... #2

Dear Mr. Belvedere,

Sometimes I sit outside and pick flowers. (They love me... they love me not... They love me...) Yay! They love me today. (better enjoy it while it lasts) I am sooooooo happy. Yesterday was Valentines Day and I was lucky that I was on the golf course with my loved ones. Like Liam. He is such a nice boy. Very polite and such a hard worker. I really think that people are really starting to like him. (I told you so!) He mows my lawn. He washes my car. He opens my beers for me. He even has dated my ugly daughter. He's great. He even polished my knob on my handle of my club. He is really showing this squad how to be a weiner. (I mean winner but I have no white out) I just wish he could actually play hockey. Oh well.... at least he is winning the hearts of at least a dozen fans.

Sometimes I have to wonder why the general public hates me so much? What did I do that was so wrong? Come on! Pisani at center was a good idea. And it wasn't my fault that Cole can't play the left side. Isn't that where he started playing in minor hockey? I mean really... he's left handed! And if I didn't play Smid on the 4th line then no one would believe me that he couldn't play as a forward. So none of this is really my fault. It's their fault. I played for many years with no helmet and that didn't hirt me at al.

So here goes another road trip and I hope the boys can just be like Liam. Oh yeah. I have been doing those exercises that Dr. Kuckobryd recommended. I look into a mirror and I tell myself. "You are a winner! You are great! You are smart!" You go guy!

Thanks for listening,

C. MacTavish

*not an actual letter. Just some made up, lame humour by Smokin' Ray Burnt*

Dear Mr. Belvedere #1

Dear Mr. Belvedere,

I received the call today. I was having some tea and biscuits with Timmy Sestito and the phone rang. I thought that it might be my mother and she keeps nagging me about using deodorant so that I smell good after games, so I was going to leave it but I decided to answer anyways. Boy am I glad I did. It was the big club. The Edmonton Oilers.

Oh boy Mr. Belevedre. This may be my last chance. I have been trying to learn and train so hard. I have been trying every kind of power drink there is. I have been practicing my puck flips like it's going out of style. I know I made a joke with Timmy about him going and not coming back. Oh how I hope I don't come back. Maybe I'll be traded? Maybe this is the only reason that I am getting called up? Maybe I still suck? But do I suck good enough to actually be traded?

I'm probably just a throw in. (sigh)

I hope all goes well with this. I really don't want to go back to Springfield. I have only scored one goal and I am really starting to believe I am incapable of scoring.

Oh well. Time to sleep. I need to dream about me being like that #89 chap. He has all the luck. (sob)

R. Schremp

*not an actual letter. just made up lame humour by Smokin' Ray Burnt*